


Like...With a Baby?

by indevan



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humor, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 21:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indevan/pseuds/indevan
Summary: There was only one person she could get to help her and she didn’t really want to involve him either.  But the choice was between potential embarrassment and facing this great unknown alone.  She knew she had to make the call





	Like...With a Baby?

Bulma knew that there many things people could say about her.  There were many things people  _ did _ say about her.  Ever since she was a teenager, people always said she was flighty, selfish, spoiled, and never thought before she spoke.  One thing people, even her most ardent enemies, would have to admit was that she was a genius.  She was usually the smartest person in any given room.  She graduated remarkably young and had made her first invention before she got her period.  No one could deny that Bulma Briefs was very, very intelligent.

Yet, she had done perhaps one of the dumbest things she could have done.  She should have  _ known, _ have  _ realized, _ that this would happen.  Her great, big ‘ol brain knew this logically, but here she was in this predicament.  She could blame hormones, pheromones, her  _ own _ moans, but that didn’t change anything.  The facts were right in front of her: she and Vegeta had been fucking for three weeks and never, in their many dalliances, did she think to tell him to put a condom on.

The worst part was that she hadn’t even thought about it until she missed her period and every single moment played in her head in montage that increased in speed until the car crash she was looking at was her own reflection.  She cursed herself.  Bulma couldn’t really blame  _ him _ since she didn’t even know if Frieza supplied his soldiers with condoms.  The idea of the frightening tyrant doing so almost made her laugh--almost.  She figured if she was pregnant, it didn’t really matter which one of them forgot contraceptives.  The damage was done.

The most pressing issue was that she had to take a test and she didn’t want to do it alone.  Her parents were out of the question.  Bulma had zero interest in involving them, especially if she was overreacting and there was no baby.  As far as she knew, they had no idea about her repeated encounters with their most disgruntled houseguest.  There was only one person she could get to help her and she didn’t really want to involve him either.  But the choice was between potential embarrassment and facing this great unknown alone.  She knew she had to make the call.

“I think I’m pregnant,” she said as her grand introduction.

Yamcha’s eyes went wide. “Like, with a baby?”

She heaved an aggravated sigh. “No!  With an orca whale!  Yes, a baby!”

He held his hands up in a placating gesture and laughed in that infuriatingly good-natured way of his.  Oh, she couldn’t be bitter.  As far as breakups went, theirs wasn’t bad.  The final breakup had been their least messy one.  It felt mutual, like they had both fallen out of love with one another, and she found that she liked Yamcha a lot better as a friend than as a boyfriend.

Despite this, she was worried about telling him the paternity of the little bun in her oven.  Yamcha could forgive a lot but she had a feeling that “his ex-girlfriend and the guy who helped kill him had been boinking each other’s brains out for nearly a month and now she might be pregnant with his child” would be a dealbreaker.  Bulma decided it was wise to keep quiet about it for now, at least until she found out if she was pregnant or not.

As for daddy dearest, it didn’t matter, since he had fucked off to space again with barely a farewell.  That, she felt she could be a  _ wee bit _ bitter about.

Yamcha tagged along with her to the drugstore and, while she stared at the wall of pregnancy tests, he flipped through a book on pregnancy that conveniently was placed in the aisle.

“You said you just missed your, uh, you know,” he said, blushing.  Bulma rolled her eyes.  He had come a long way from the guy who screamed whenever he was in the same room as her but Yamcha was still easily flustered. “Have you shown any other signs?”

“Like what?”

His gaze went down to the book and he began to read.

“Are your senses heightened?”

Bulma rolled her eyes. “I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider!”

He laughed.

“Alright, alright.”  He skimmed a finger down a page. “Are your bosoms tender?”

Yamcha cracked up and Bulma tore the book out of his hands.

“Put it back!”

She didn’t want to tell him that, yes, her boobs  _ were _ sensitive.  Despite how personal all of this was, that felt like going too far.  She sighed and went back to surveying the pregnancy tests.  So many of them offered weird symbols or lines and circles that would tell her she was pregnant.  How hard could it be to just have a screen that said “pregnant”?  Why did it have to be like they were speaking in code?  She grabbed the most straight forward-looking one she could find and dragged Yamcha up to the checkout counter.

The cashier eyed them both as she rang up her purchase.  She wondered if she should have grabbed a handful of other items to bury the test among them.

“This on you, kid?” she asked as she put the test into a bag.

Yamcha furrowed his brow for a moment before he widened his eyes. “Uh.  Um.  How much is it?”

Bulma paid and they left the drugstore without any further questions.  As they rode in her capsule car home, she eyed him suspiciously.

“You didn’t deny you were the father.”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t her business.”

“Oh.”

There was a lull in conversation before Yamcha spoke again.

“I know it’s not mine.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to that other than with, “Okay.”

“Bulma, I might not be a  _ doctor _ like you, but I can do math.  We haven’t slept together in almost a year.  There’s no way that kid’s mine.”

Well, that was one issue out of the way.

“Oh.  Okay.  Good.”

\--

The test promised her fast results in three minutes.  Bulma was prepared for those to be the longest three minutes of her life.  She set the test down on the counter, careful not to leave the end she peed on touching the surface.  The box said that there was one circle and, if she was pregnant, another circle would form next to it.  Bulma peered at it, even though there was no way that anything would show yet.  Maybe part of her wanted to see the lone circle for as long as possible.

The second circle was already forming next to it, bold and stark as if to say “Here I am.”  She sat down on the toilet and placed her hand on her lower abdomen.  Pregnant.  She was pregnant.  Carefully, she wrapped the test up and tossed it in the wastebin.  She washed her hands and stared at her reflection.  She was pregnant, PG, in the family way, with child.  The face that stared back at her seemed ill-equipped to be any of those things.

Sighing, Bulma exited the bathroom.  Yamcha had been sitting on her bed in wait and, as she shut the bathroom door behind her, he stood up.

“Well?”

Feeling numb, all she could do was nod.  He let out a low whistle.

“So, now are you going to tell me who the dad is?”

She had no choice, really.

“You aren’t going to like it.”

He smiled. “C’mon.  It can’t be that bad.  It’s not like you were sleeping with Vegeta or anything.”

Yamcha laughed and he apparently waited for her to laugh with him but the way he had nailed it without even trying made her just slide her gaze guiltily to the side.  His laughter died in his throat.

“Bulma...that was a joke.  You didn’t…” His eyes went wide. “You did!”

She nodded.  When he had her against the wall or bent over the edge of her lab table or in her bed, she didn’t think of the possible ramifications.  Not just the lack of protection but what it would mean to everyone else.  They didn’t see the loneliness that was behind his arrogance and pride.  They just saw the sadistic asshole who laughed while his partner killed all of their friends.

“Listen--”

“Bulma, come on!”

She sighed, feeling her temper rise.

“I’m not defending myself to this,” she said. “I did it, it happened, I’m knocked up.”

Yamcha sat back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.  He didn’t say anything for a while and she wondered just how mad he was.  Finally, he looked back at her.

“So...how big is he?”

She hadn’t been expecting  _ that _ question.

“Like, down there?”

He nodded.

“Yeah.  I have to admit I’m...curious.”

About five years into their decade long, on-off relationship, Yamcha had confessed to her that he was bisexual.  His type with men, though, tended to generally be the opposite of angry, cruel, alien princes.

“Big,” she said finally. “Like, I was afraid it wouldn’t fit.”

“That tells me nothing.  The first time we were together, you thought  _ I _ wouldn’t fit.  And I’m about six inches.”

Bulma threw her arms out.

“Okay, that was my  _ first time, _ and I had never seen a penis before except for, like, Goku’s.  But, it was big, okay?”

“How big?”

“Yamcha!”

“What?” He had the gall to look innocent. “I’m trying to be okay with you banging the guy who killed us all so indulge me.”

“No!”

He held his hands in front of him. “I’m going to start pulling them apart.  Tell me when to stop.”

Bulma glared at him as he began inching his hands apart.

“Come on, Bulma,” he said when the distance between his palms was roughly the size of a tennis racket. “Any bigger and he won’t be able to sit down.”

She sighed and took his hands to put an end to it.  She pushed them back together until they were about nine inches apart.

“Oh, wow.” He said, giving another low whistle.  Shaking his head, he made a face before he added, “Of course the murderous douche has to be hung.”

“Would you stop?”

“Fine, fine.” He paused for a minute before adding, “Hey, do you think it’ll be born with a tail?”

Bulma nearly swallowed her tongue.  She hadn’t thought about  _ that. _

“Oh, shit.  Probably.”

She knew the doctor they had on staff here could be discrete but she also knew that she would have to cut the tail off immediately.  It had been over a decade but memories of Goku’s ape form still haunted her.  Yamcha shuddered as if he too was remembering the past.  Strangely, though, he followed it up with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.  Just imagining a kid that’s a combination of both of your tempers.”

To that, her only response was to slug him in the arm.

**Author's Note:**

> vertigoats.tumblr.com


End file.
